Monday, March 3, 2014

"Adele Dazeem": Oscars 2014

Pizza, paper plates, Pharrell. No, we're not talking about a backyard summer BBQ hosted by N.E.R.D., those three P's represent just a smidge of the pure shenanigans that was the 86th Academy Awards.

With Ellen "Dancing Queen" DeGeneres on board as host, hilariously random events were bound to be in store, but everyone from Meryl Streep, to the audience at home, and a Hollywood pizza shop owner couldn't have even guessed how the nights was going to unfold.

There were no real surprise winners, but every other minute in between statues being handed out was like fancy people going rogue.

(I'm sure all these topics have already been talked to death, but they all happened, and were perfect.)

Brad Pitt, Paper Plate Dispenser

Brad Pitt passed out paper plates so everyone would have a place to rest their pizza. There's really nothing else to say.

Later today, Ellen gave that pizza boy a $1,000 tip. I think offering Harrison Ford, Kevin Spacey, and a group of the most famous people in the world pizza was probably good enough.

Actually - the cash would be good too.

Liza On Lupita

Watch the whole speech to be inspired and all, or just click to the :16 mark to see an incredible moment where Lupita is ATTACKED by everyone's favorite ball of goodwill,  Liza Minnelli.

You just imagine her saying, "Come ova here Sweetheart!" before falling to the ground after suffering a spell of vertigo.

Wicked Mistake

After waiting a large portion of the night to hear the nominated song, "Let It Go",  I was happily smiling and nodding to every word John Travolta was saying in the intro to the performance : "Wickedly talented", yeah we know, "one and only", yes to that too.

Then he said something like, "Adele Dazeem" and everyone I was with said, "Wait. Who's performing?"

I thought someone had "Tanya Harding-ed"  Idina Menzel backstage and some new person was performing in her place!

Oh Travolta, you saucy minx, fooling the world with your confused brain. I feel bad laughing at this after hearing "he suffers from Dyslexia," but dude, that name was not even the right amount of syllables. Apparently movie musicals aren't THAT close to your heart.

I could watch that clip on repeat - he's just so confident until he makes a mess of that name. I challenge something else from 2014 to "top that!"

"Thank you, I love you." No Travolta, we LOVE you.

White Suit Winners

McConaughey and Leto both won (hooray!), gave very sweet speeches, and look dapper in white (and bow ties) - we all swoon.

Not to be outdone, the two best dressed ladies (and actresses) of the night are sandwiched between those guys. Sounds like a good night.

Shoulder Dance, Meryl! Dance!

I know, I know - Amy Adams and Lupita got out of their seats and looked good dancing with Pharrell. But why even try when Meryl only need shimmy her shoulders? Look at that eye contact!

Mr. Jonze

Um. Only in this award's season was it brought to my attention that Spike Jonze is adorable - where have I been?

He's a little Wes Anderson, with a dash of Seth Meyers, and a whole lot of Edward Norton. Creative, kind of strange, and mighty fine. Not too bad a combo.

Congrats Mr. Jonze! His win in the Best Original Screenplay category (for Her) was my favorite, sort of surprise win of the night. Offbeat movie appreciators rejoice!

These moments are just the beginning of things that were making the masses all a flutter - we didn't even get to all the glorious dresses!

Ellen was flawless (she broke the internet with the selfie seen 'round the world), it seems like everyone who should have won did, and Bette Midler f'ing sang "The Wind Beneath My Wings"!! There was something for everybody.

The people of the internet are even helping Leo mourn another loss, but at least this year he could cry into a piece of pizza. It was Matthew's this year, but Leo, one day you'll be on top.

Until next time.

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