Thursday, September 8, 2011

Vote Meryl

Living in the world today,  fighting to stay hot and hip is a high priority, and can even cause the folks who run the Oscars to flip out a little.

Last year they decided to jar the world and give hosting gigs to (gasp) young people-Anne Hathaway and Franco.

That didn't turn out to be the mind blowing event of a lifetime, so with apparently no other choice this year, they have decided to...take a time machine back to the 90's?

Is the idea of  Eddie Murphy hosting the Academy Awards completely terrible? No, it could be worse, but Murphy is not riding the success of that hilarious fat suit/farting movie (The Nutty Professor), it is not 1996, so even worse, I ultimately just don't care.

Gone are the days of the typical stand-up comedian getting flown in to host events-Hugh Jackman sashayed into the Oscar Host Hall of Fame with pure musical theater talent, no jokes necessary. Another actor, like Jackman, could surely fill the hosting duties if given a chance.

There is no actor that equally shares the adoration of the young and old more than the perfect host, and someone I like to call "a sure thing", Meryl Streep.

(The proof of her qualifications: the beginning and the 4:00 mark on, too bad she's drunk as a skunk)

In our modern era of cinema, Meryl Streep is the Oscars. She has won twice, been nominated millions of times, and is required, as stated in the Constitution, to attend each years show.

If she wasn't in the audience (either nominated or just for kicks) I fear the curtain would not open and awards may not be even handed out. Who would want to win an Oscar if they couldn't look out at Streep in the front row? This is half the thrill.

Audience members in the theater and those crammed around a television, wait all night with bated breath, just for her to make an appearance on stage or in a quick camera shot from her seat.  Logically it follows that by popular demand we just throw her up on the stage the whole time. All night everyone will be giddy on their Meryl Streep high, even the losers will walk away satisfied with a successful night.

It would be pure magic-the producers would let her say and do whatever she wanted. She wouldn't even need to tell scripted jokes, she could just wonder around telling stories, with a martini in her hand. Her natural charisma would blow the stinky bits the writers throw together for this sort of shin-dig out of the water.

Glorious. Best Oscars ever. All hands in for Mery Streep, Permanent Oscar Host! Can we start a campaign like the one for Betty White?

Other suitable understudies/hosting partners, should Meryl not feel up to the task year after year:

Cookie Monster

Low maintenance comedic genius- he needs cookies, lots of them,  and he is set to entertain all night. Plus, he would look sharp in a bow tie.

Tim Gunn

Can he just chase a puppy around the stage all night, and critique fashion?

Jon Hamm

Dude is hilarious, and if he can sing, oh God, watch your back Hugh Jackman.

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